There are two types of fat pictures.
|Senior Prom 1998|
|Summer of 1998: It became my profile|
picture, although it was picture of a
large group, not just my legs.
If your friends and family are kind, they understand that this is a fat picture, and although it may go up amongst the billions of pictures on facebook, twitter, and instagram, you are not tagged. If you are lucky, the picture will fly under the radar. Worse yet are picture in which you are fat AND are sitting with a plate of half eaten food. Worse yet, sitting with a plate of what used to be dessert.
I want to see my fat pictures. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily want the world to see all of my fat pictures. I'm starting to think that these fat pictures are somewhat of a treasure. I realize that every time I have the chance, I erase any pictures of myself that are less than my standards, or those of others. The reality is, that life is not flattering, not when you have to wake up early and work over 40 hours a week. Not when you have sick children, or a house to clean.
I searched and searched for a fat picture so that I may compare itI to my present. Not only that, but I want to remind myself how far I have come. When I gain a pound one day instead of loosing 3 ounces. When a size 14 doesn't fit yet. When I want a bite of cake, and most of all when I want to quit. I want to remember where I started.
|Some of the progress photos I have taken. Oldest|
I started nearly 2 years ago. I started over 35 pounds ago. I started 10% body fat ago. I started a size 22. I started depressed. I started unhealthy. I started at a resting heart rate of near 80. I started 360 miles and a pair of running shoes ago.
My present is today. My present is a toddler smaller and with 10% less body fat. My present is a size 16 (nearly 14). My present is happy and healthy. My heart is a restful < 60 BPM at rest. My present is 60 miles into my new shoes and too many hours ago to count.
I don't know where I'll end. I have a goal. I am determined to meet that goal, still who says I won't become determined to surpass it?
And so, I want my fat pictures back. All the ones I have erased, burned, shredded, flushed, scribbled on, or threw away. I have the fattest of the fat at school, but I hid it so well, that I'm not sure where it is. Inevitably, it will make it's way to this page some day.